An UnBEARable Folly

In a faraway land, where magic dwells

fair Goldilocks was in need of a spell

to ward away bears that incessantly kept

using the bed where Goldilocks slept.

She tried home remedies like Bear-Be-Gone­ spray

that the Woodsman claimed would scare them away.

Instead, Mama Bear used it as perfume.

Poor Goldie was plagued by a feeling of doom.

“We’re on the lease,” Papa Bear said with a yawn.

Then he crawled into bed with Goldie’s gown on.

Goldie moped, “You are? Now what will I do?”

Then she spotted a blurb in The Beanstalk Review.

In the newspaper that Papa Bear read

was an ad for an imp. “Need golden thread?

Fitful night of sleep? Gnomes biting your feet?

There’s a remedy at Rumpelstiltskin’s Boutique.”

Having nothing to lose, Goldie rushed to the store.

A tiny bell jiggled as she opened the door.

“Welcome,” said a mysterious voice.

“I’ve all manner of things that make buyers rejoice.”

A little creature no bigger that she

rose from the shadows. “I guarantee

I have what you need.” It said with a bow.

“Let me guess, let me guess. You must sell your cow.

You’re in luck, I must say. I can trade you some beans,

that’ll make you so rich you’ll feel like a queen.”

“Can you really?” Goldie said with dismay.

“But that isn’t the reason I’ve come all this way.

I have an issue with some bears in my home- “

“No need to go on,” The imp pulled out a tome.

“I have such a spell that will cure your woes.

I require no coins, dear, just your nose.”

She considered the deal, but figured, why not?

“This imp seems honest,” Goldilocks thought.

She agreed with a nod. The imp bared its teeth

in a smile so ghastly, it made Goldie squeak.

With magic words, the imp threw in a pot

some bat wings, dead worms, and congealed snot.

The mixture fizzled with a hiss of steam,

every bubble that burst released a scream.

“Where did you get this all these vile items?”

she asked, eyeing a jar of severed thumbs.

“It’s all legal, if that’s what you mean,”

the imp added powder that turned the mix green.

“I don’t want any trouble,” Goldie tried to explain.

“It’s just that the bears have been such a pain.

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. It’s quite the bother.”

The imp nodded, as the bottle was stoppered.

“In my hands is the cure that you seek,

just sprinkle it on the bears’ heads as they sleep.

And now, my pet, I will take what is owed.”

With a tug and a squelch, he pulled off her nose.

Goldie clutched the bottle tight to her chest.

Taking care not to wake the bears at rest

she crept inside and poured the liquid out.

It oozed down their eyes and over their snouts.

Their dark fur sloughed to the floor to unveil

reticulated scales and serpent tails.

The bears had vanished. Now Goldie faced

three cobras coiled in the bears’ place.

“This isn’t what I wanted,” Goldie cried.

“I’ve been bamboozled. That stupid imp lied.”

The creature suddenly appeared. “Not true,

I see no bears in the home. Do you?

But I’ll tell you what, I’ll make you a deal.

I will handle these snakes for only one ear.”

“Very well.” Goldie sighed. “But just one.”

“Of course,” the imp winked. “And then we’re all done.”